As I got on the scale this morning I was excited to be down a couple pounds. With this Minnesota weather it seems all there is to do is eat comfort food and watch series on Netflix. (We are in season 6 of Dexter...almost over- we better start deciding what's next!) I had been trying to be cautious of what I ate the past couple days so I was happy it actually did something.
Right now I am pretty happy with my body. I am 2 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight and only about 10 pounds from my lowest ever. Before Mckenna I still wouldn't be satisfied right now, but for the first time in a long time I am perfectly happy with my body. Maybe it's because I've gained 40 pounds, been miserable and uncomfortable and then lost it all...or maybe it's because it doesn't seem to be such a big deal anymore.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not a person who can say she doesn't care about my appearance. I'm most comfortable in sweats, but still believe when I get ready and dressed for the day I feel a lot better about myself. When I don't feel good about myself I am crabbier and a lot more irritable. (Hopefully I'm not the only one) I think it's important to work out and take care of yourself. I am not a mom who could just "let myself go" either. (People might have thought I did during Mckenna's first few months...because who has the time to put make-up on, or sometimes even get in a quick shower!) But I do feel it's important for us moms to take care of ourselves, even with our crazy busy lives.
But let's get back to why I'm actually happy with my body. To understand that I unfortunately have to share a little bit about my past. I have had issues with body image since about 7th grade. I was always tall for my age and never a size zero like all my middle school aged friends. I had wider hips and a little extra meat on my bones. But the worst part is what I SAW was an obese teenage girl in the mirror. There is no doubt in my mind I had a warped idea of what I actually looked like. I was bigger built, but not many would even consider me fat or unhealthy looking. Despite my parents telling me only positive things about my body I believed it needed a lot of work. I was always on some kind of diet from 7th grade all through high school. For a year in high school I even had an eating disorder to go along with all this. Talk about a nightmare for my parents (especially my mom). I already have been praying Mckenna doesn't go through this when she's older.
Right now my body is not toned, not perfect, and I still don't wear my goal dress size. BUT what I've realized is my body was not made to look perfect in a form fitted dress, or to walk any type of runway in a bathing suit. My body was made by God to be strong, to play sports, and most importantly right now to get down on my hands and knees and play with my 10 month old daughter. I want to stay healthy so I can keep up with her this spring when she's running around outside (if it ever warms up!) I don't lift weights right now, but I lug around a 30 pound car seat every day and it keeps me strong. I play with Kenna all day long and am exhausted at night. She is the reason I want to take care of myself.
When I got pregnant my goal was to be able to wear a two-piece this summer. Well, I might be able to do it, and I might buy one...but I do know I will be buying a one-piece, too. Because it's going to be a lot more comfortable when I'm playing at the beach with the most special girl I've ever known. And that is a whole lot more important!
No comments:
Post a Comment